Shattered by Grief
A beautiful vase is broken into hundreds of little pieces. Everything is shattered. How does one even know where to begin putting it back together? If someone had never seen the vase before, they wouldn’t know what it should look like, so they could have trouble restoring it. Who knows exactly how that vase should look is the craftsman who made it.
Encouraging Quotes for Grief
We hope you might be some inspiration, validation or encouragement from these.
“You can’t truly heal from a loss until you allow yourself to really feel the loss.” Mandy Hale
“When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.” Author unknown
“If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again.” Author unknown
“Although it’s difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.”
The Brain Fog of Grief
The brain fog of grief is a natural part of grieving. Your mind is preoccupied with sadness, loneliness and other emotions which leaves little room for your cognitive functions, memory and concentration. This is normal and common, even though it is frustrating.
It is easy for us and those around us to forget that we may have suffered a tremendous life altering loss, and yet we wonder why we aren’t functioning normally.
We like to say grievers are suffering from the “Four D’s”:
- Disorganized
- Distracted
- Disoriented
- Distraught
So what can you do about it?
1. Remind yourself that you are normal! What’s that? Yes, normal! This is a normal and common reaction to an extraordinary loss.
2. Lower your expectations. You are not going to be able to be as fast and focused. Don’t put too much on your plate. Lighten your load where you can. Hand off responsibilities where you can, get help and in some cases, get someone to check your work.
3. Give yourself extra time to do things, get places, and get things done. Even reading can take longer because we don’t process as quickly.
4. Make lists. Keep something with you at all times. If you want to use your phone or a notepad, that’s great. We encourage you to keep a pad and pen by your bed.
5. Give yourself grace. You should not be operating on all cylinders. If someone had a broken leg, you would not expect them to walk as fast as they used to. Well, grievers have broken hearts and need a time of recovery, too. It’s not an injury that is seen, but it’s there.
This grief brain can come and go, so don’t think you will be done with it after a month or after the service. It comes and goes during your recovery period as your body is trying to adapt. It’s important to remember that there is nothing wrong with you!
Questions to Ponder:
- Now that you understand the impact of grief brain, where can you lower expectations or give yourself some grace?
- How can you look at some things differently? (realizing you need more time or you can’t do everything)
How Loss Rocks Your World
In everyone’s life, we experience moments that mark the end of a chapter in our life stories. At such times, you will feel the impact in many domains of your life.
The loss of a deeply loved person in your life may have produced unbearable emotional pain, paralyzing fear, unrelenting anxiety, unanswered questions and often the loss of hope, purpose, and dreams. Some grievers feel their sense of self has been ripped away. Too often, mourning people have shared with us, “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Beyond the painful loss of your loved one, you may also be struggling with secondary losses such as financial, legal, relational, or vocational issues. There are usually so many other losses caused by the loss of your loved one. “Is it any wonder that your world has been rocked?”
You may have found yourself pretending to be strong, ignoring your pain, or avoiding the reality of the direct hit you’ve taken. Alternatively, you might wonder why you seem out of control due to a lack of energy, radical emotional shifts, and diminished mental capacity. Either or both reactions to loss are understandable and perhaps even necessary to help you survive in the meantime. Please remember – survival is initially your top priority. So don’t expect too much from yourself for quite a while.
And, if you haven’t yet really acknowledged the depth of your loss, don’t worry. You’ll get there. And, we’re going to walk alongside you, in a virtual sense, throughout your journey if you’ll let us. You don’t have to walk this road alone.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER:
- What might prevent you from acknowledging the depth of your loss and how your world has been rocked?
- Are you able to accept that the loss you suffered has really hurt you and that your reactions are natural and normal?
- Will you give yourself some grace during this time of recovery?
Podcasts for Grief
Podcasts can be a great way to get some support and encouragement for your grief journey. We have a page on podcasts in the My Grief Toolbox section of MyGriefCare™. If you have found a great podcast that isn’t listed below, please share it with us at hello@mygriefcare.com
PODCASTS FOR GRIEF
Mindfulness and Grief Hosted by author and thanatologist Heather Stang, features compassionate insights for coping with grief and life after loss. Designed for bereaved people and grief professionals, you will learn how a mindful approach to grief can help you deal with difficult emotions, cultivate self-care and self-compassion, and honor the relationship that remains.
Grief Out Loud Grief Out Loud is opening up this often avoided conversation because grief is hard enough without having to go through it alone. We bring you a mix of personal stories, tips for supporting children, teens, and yourself, and interviews with professionals.
Open to Hope Feeling discouraged? Relax and tune into the Open to Hope podcast and hear Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley interview guests with inspiring stories about recovery from loss.
What’s Your Grief In this podcast series Eleanor Haley and Litsa Williams, the two mental health professionals behind the grief website What’s Your Grief, seek to leave no stone unturned in demystifying the complicated and sometimes crazy experience of living life after loss.
While We’re Waiting Podcasts FOR bereaved parents BY bereaved parents.
Here After with Megan Devine Get practical insight and advice from psychotherapist and grief advocate Megan Devine
Widowed Mom A place for those who have lost their significant other and are ready to start the next chapter of their lives. It’s designed to help you move through your grief to grow, evolve and create a future you can actually look forward to!
Widow We Do Now A surprisingly funny podcast on grief.
Just a Widow Talk Voices of spouse and partner loss.