Coping With Grief During the Holidays Webinar
The holidays make our grief bigger. This free holiday grief webinar and workbook will walk you through a way to not let these days just happen to you. There is a lot we can do to make them more bearable for you.
Shattered by Grief
A beautiful vase is broken into hundreds of little pieces. Everything is shattered. How does one even know where to begin putting it back together? If someone had never seen the vase before, they wouldn’t know what it should look like, so they could have trouble restoring it. Who knows exactly how that vase should look is the craftsman who made it.
Encouraging Quotes for Grief
We hope you might be some inspiration, validation or encouragement from these.
“You can’t truly heal from a loss until you allow yourself to really feel the loss.” Mandy Hale
“When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.” Author unknown
“If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again.” Author unknown
“Although it’s difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.”
The Brain Fog of Grief
The brain fog of grief is a natural part of grieving. Your mind is preoccupied with sadness, loneliness and other emotions which leaves little room for your cognitive functions, memory and concentration. This is normal and common, even though it is frustrating.
It is easy for us and those around us to forget that we may have suffered a tremendous life altering loss, and yet we wonder why we aren’t functioning normally.
We like to say grievers are suffering from the “Four D’s”:
- Disorganized
- Distracted
- Disoriented
- Distraught
So what can you do about it?
1. Remind yourself that you are normal! What’s that? Yes, normal! This is a normal and common reaction to an extraordinary loss.
2. Lower your expectations. You are not going to be able to be as fast and focused. Don’t put too much on your plate. Lighten your load where you can. Hand off responsibilities where you can, get help and in some cases, get someone to check your work.
3. Give yourself extra time to do things, get places, and get things done. Even reading can take longer because we don’t process as quickly.
4. Make lists. Keep something with you at all times. If you want to use your phone or a notepad, that’s great. We encourage you to keep a pad and pen by your bed.
5. Give yourself grace. You should not be operating on all cylinders. If someone had a broken leg, you would not expect them to walk as fast as they used to. Well, grievers have broken hearts and need a time of recovery, too. It’s not an injury that is seen, but it’s there.
This grief brain can come and go, so don’t think you will be done with it after a month or after the service. It comes and goes during your recovery period as your body is trying to adapt. It’s important to remember that there is nothing wrong with you!
Questions to Ponder:
- Now that you understand the impact of grief brain, where can you lower expectations or give yourself some grace?
- How can you look at some things differently? (realizing you need more time or you can’t do everything)
How Loss Rocks Your World
In everyone’s life, we experience moments that mark the end of a chapter in our life stories. At such times, you will feel the impact in many domains of your life.
The loss of a deeply loved person in your life may have produced unbearable emotional pain, paralyzing fear, unrelenting anxiety, unanswered questions and often the loss of hope, purpose, and dreams. Some grievers feel their sense of self has been ripped away. Too often, mourning people have shared with us, “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Beyond the painful loss of your loved one, you may also be struggling with secondary losses such as financial, legal, relational, or vocational issues. There are usually so many other losses caused by the loss of your loved one. “Is it any wonder that your world has been rocked?”
You may have found yourself pretending to be strong, ignoring your pain, or avoiding the reality of the direct hit you’ve taken. Alternatively, you might wonder why you seem out of control due to a lack of energy, radical emotional shifts, and diminished mental capacity. Either or both reactions to loss are understandable and perhaps even necessary to help you survive in the meantime. Please remember – survival is initially your top priority. So don’t expect too much from yourself for quite a while.
And, if you haven’t yet really acknowledged the depth of your loss, don’t worry. You’ll get there. And, we’re going to walk alongside you, in a virtual sense, throughout your journey if you’ll let us. You don’t have to walk this road alone.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER:
- What might prevent you from acknowledging the depth of your loss and how your world has been rocked?
- Are you able to accept that the loss you suffered has really hurt you and that your reactions are natural and normal?
- Will you give yourself some grace during this time of recovery?