My Grief Care

Shattered by Grief

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I was going through my journals and notes for the book we are working on and came across something I wrote 10 months after my husband suddenly died of a brain aneurysm.

I wrote this in faith that it would come true, and it did! I am that vase! And I am stronger, though definitely with some cracks and scars. But I believe they are part of the beauty.

Please don’t give up hope, dear friends. We promise you, you can get through this! Be patient and gracious with yourself, and never give up hope! We were where you are. We haven’t forgotten how hard it is.

A beautiful vase is broken into hundreds of little pieces. Everything is shattered. How does one even know where to begin putting it back together? If someone had never seen the vase before, they wouldn’t know what it should look like, so they could have trouble restoring it. Who knows exactly how that vase should look is the craftsman who made it.

He knows the shape and form. With great care, he puts it back together, careful to put each piece in the right place, reinforcing it with strong glue so it can withstand what it will need in the future and hold up with use. This takes much time, precision, and patience. The vase cannot put itself together. It is dependent on its creator – and you cannot rush the process.

The vase wonders why anyone would bother to put it back together, as it will never be as beautiful and complete as it once was. Who would even want it with the damage it has sustained? Some of the pieces cannot be repaired, so parts are missing. It is pointless.

The craftsman is not worried. It is a labor of love for him to recreate this vase – not trying to make it as it once was, but to make it anew as he repurposes it. He changes the shape somewhat, adds reinforcement and new pieces where needed.

Yes, the cracks are still there, and they are now part of the vase, but they are not so vivid. And the craftsman has made the vase even stronger than it was by reattaching the pieces together with the strongest adhesive possible. Because of the extra care, the craftsman has taken with this vase to repair it and give it life again, his love and appreciation for it are great.

Anyone who sees this vase now will see it as a beautiful piece of art. But if they look a little closer or find out the story behind this vase, they will see that it is so much more. It could not have been this beautiful new vase if it had not been broken in the first place. The brokenness was part of making it whole again. But a new whole. Somewhat the same and somewhat different.

I must embrace my brokenness and leave the repair work up to the craftsman, my heavenly Father. What will my new vase look like? Feb. 12, 2014

I was devastated and in agony when I first wrote this. But I had hope!

What will your new vase look like?

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