- Introduction
- Understanding Grief
- People Grieve Differently
- The Brain Fog of Grief
- The Vocabulary of Grief
- Grievers Don’t Need to be Fixed
- Misconceptions About Grief
- There Are No Orderly and Predictable Stages In Grief
- When Caring People Say Dumb Things When You’re Grieving
- What to Say to Others When You’re Grieving
- The Impact of Who you Lost and How you Lost Them
- Heavy Grief Days
- The Grief Letter
- Ways to Remember Them
- Permissions for Grievers
- Creating Bright Spots in the Midst of Grief
- Why Are Many Grievers Not Comfortable Crying In Front of Others?
- Why Grievers Don’t Need to Be Strong
- Do I Just Need Time to Heal From Grief?
- Why Do Grieving People Get the Message They Shouldn’t Be Sad?
- Is Staying Busy Good for Grief?
- The Isolation of Grief
- Can You Fill the Void Left by the Death of Loved One?
- How Long Does the Pain of Grief Last?
- How Do You Get Over Grief?
- I Don’t Want to Forget My Loved One Who Died
- Relationships Change After Loss
- Why Don’t Friends and Family Understand Your Grief?
- How to Tell Others What You Need in Your Grief
- Grief Can Cause You to Re-evaluate Relationships
- I Lost My Spouse and My Friends
- All the Phases in the Grief Journey
- I’m Grieving and Just Barely Surviving
- Why Do I Feel Like I Am Just Existing in My Grief?
- When Will I Be Ready for Grief Counseling?
- Can You Heal Your Grief?
- Living Again After Losing a Loved One
- How Grief Affects Mental Health
- Grief & Depression
- How Trauma Affects Your Grief
- Co-Dependency and Grief
- Should I take medication for my grief?
- The Uniqueness of Grieving A Suicide
- Suicide Shock: I Can’t Believe They Did It
- Feeling Blame and Shame After a Suicide
- The Abandonment of Suicide
- The Stigma of Suicide
- Interview with widow who lost two husbands by suicide
- Losing Your Husband to Suicide
- What To Do With Your Loved One’s Belongings After They Die
- No Cost Financial Coaching & Planning for Widows: Chris Bentley
- Hope When Shattered By Grief
- Answers to Your Questions About Grief
- Introduction
- Is Being Angry at God a Sin After My Loved One Died?
- Where Did My Peace, Joy and Gratitude Go after I lost my loved one?
- Can Grief and Hope Co-Exist?
- Why Does God Heal Some People But Not Others?
- Is Suicide an Unforgivable Sin?
- Why Do I Dislike Platitudes and Bible Verses?
- Why Did God Let My Loved One Die?
- Surviving The Holidays
- I Lost Myself When My Husband Died
- When Widowed Pain Feels Like Homesickness
- No Cost Financial Coaching & Planning For Widows: Chris Bentley
- The Best Grief Retreat for Widows
- I Lost My Husband By Suicide. Now What?
- An Interview With A Woman Who Lost Two Husbands By Suicide
- I Lost My Spouse and My Friends
- A Widow’s Guide to the Stages of Grief
- 7 year anniversary of the sudden death of my husband
- The Trauma and Grief of Widows Who Were Caregivers
- The Captive Widow: Navigating Obstacles to Widow Healing
- Understanding the Widow’s Brain
Misconceptions About Grief
12 Episodes
All Series
-
Foundations Of Grief
14 Episodes -
Misconceptions About Grief
12 Episodes -
Relationships After Loss
5 Episodes -
Widow Grief
12 Episodes -
The Grief Journey
6 Episodes -
Grief & Mental Health
5 Episodes -
Grieving A Suicide
6 Episodes -
Conversations On Grief
4 Episodes -
Questions Grieving Christians Ask
8 Episodes -
Coping With The Holidays and Other Tough Special Days
1 Episodes
Misconceptions About Grief
12 Episodes
Episodes in This Series
-
Misconceptions About Grief
-
There Are No Orderly and Predictable Stages In Grief
-
Why Are Many Grievers Not Comfortable Crying In Front of Others?
-
Why Grievers Don’t Need to Be Strong
-
Do I Just Need Time to Heal From Grief?
-
Why Do Grieving People Get the Message They Shouldn’t Be Sad?
-
Is Staying Busy Good for Grief?
-
The Isolation of Grief
-
Can You Fill the Void Left by the Death of Loved One?
-
How Long Does the Pain of Grief Last?
-
How Do You Get Over Grief?
-
I Don’t Want to Forget My Loved One Who Died
Episode 4 : Why Grievers Don’t Need to Be Strong
Downloads
Episode NotesGrievers Don't Need to Be Strong
Grievers can feel pressure from themselves and others that they need to be strong at a time when they may feel anything but strong.
Since you lost your loved one, you may have heard things like “You are strong. You need to be strong, or “You need to be strong for _____.” Or maybe you are telling yourself that.
Many times after Mark suddenly died, I heard, “Anne-Marie, you are so strong.” I kept thinking, “What? Are you crazy? I am not strong. I am just surviving. Being alive does not make me strong. I am barely hanging on here. And you telling me that I am strong is just making me feel like I have to appear that I am doing better than I am, which adds more pressure on me, or makes me feel like there is something wrong with me if I don’t actually feel like I am being strong. I felt so weak and depleted.
Believing we should be strong encourages us to pretend that we are okay, which can actually hinder our grieving process.
Sure, we have times where we have to keep it together and act like we are feeling better than we are, but don’t be alarmed if you don’t feel strong. I felt crushed, worn, and overwhelmed; not strong at all. I knew that I needed to be gentle with myself and lower my expectations of what I was capable of. I knew I needed self-care, and we will discuss that more in other episodes.
Thinking we need to stay strong for someone else puts pressure on us to act like we are recovered when we actually aren’t and can stunt our own healing process.
Some of the ways we may think we are being strong, but that can actually hurt us are:
- Stuffing your own feelings so as to not upset others
- Getting the job done no matter how exhausted you are
- Having young children in your care and not letting them see you cry
- You are the boss or leader at work and can’t let anyone know that you are weary and keep pushing
As you hold others up, make sure that you are acknowledging your own grief and pain, and be realistic about what you can do.
Pick a select few persons that you can be vulnerable with and build a support system. We have an entire section on support for you; this is so important.
After the devastating loss of a loved one, I’m impressed every time we get through another day. I want to remind you that I am living proof that you can get through this, that there is hope, and that you will not always be where you are now. When you are in it, it’s sometimes very hard to believe this.
TRUTH: You are probably not very strong right now and maybe quite fragile. Recognize the strength in being vulnerable with safe people. Acknowledge your condition and create a support system.
STEPPING STONE:
- Is there any area where you are taking on too much because you feel you need to be strong or you don’t want to let people down?
- Is there anyone in your life who is safe for you and with who you could be vulnerable?
- Check out our self-care series and our resources page with lots of options so that you can create your own support system.
YOU DON’T NEED TO DO THIS ALONE!
REFLECTION:
Real strength is in acknowledging your weakness.