My Grief Care

Questions Grieving Christians Ask

8 Episodes

Episode 8 : Why Did God Let My Loved One Die?


Episode Notes

Why Did God Let My Loved One Die?

Why did God let my loved one die? This is a common and tough question from grieving people. And, I hope to help you think your way through it.

I’ll start with a personal story. Over a decade ago, I got a call from one of my brothers informing me that he had checked himself into the hospital.

By the time I arrived, they were getting ready to intubate him. 10 days later, he was still in a coma, and our family gathered to tell him goodbye as they took his breathing tube out. They told us he would die within a few minutes. But he didn’t die, and the next day he was sitting up in bed conversing with me. His physicians could not explain his recovery other than to say, “This is a bonafide medical miracle.” My brother still lives today. Why did God save him? Was there a purpose and a plan? I honestly don’t know.

A few years later, my wife DeeAnn was diagnosed with cancer. She fought valiantly, and we found excellent physicians to manage her care. We left no stone unturned. The experts were initially optimistic. But cancer eventually won the battle. And, while she was bathed in prayer during her four year battle with cancer, she was ultimately forced to abandon her fight, and she died. Why did God not heal DeeAnn? I don’t know. 

As Christians, we turn to scripture for answers. And, while the Bible tells us a lot about God and how he wants us to live, it doesn’t promise that God will answer every question that begins with “Why?” 

God may seem very real and present when we witness a miracle, and he may seem distant right now since he didn’t heal or protect your loved one from death. You may be asking, “Where were you, God, when I needed you?” or “How could you let this happen?” 

I’d love to share answers to your questions. But, I’ve found no clear and satisfying biblical answers on this topic. So, let me ask YOU a question, and don’t answer too quickly. If you DID know the specific reason God didn’t prevent your loved one’s death – do you think you would be feeling better right now? Probably not – and here’s why. You are hurting so much, not because you don’t know WHY, but because your loss has left a big hole in your heart. If you knew why God specifically didn’t intervene in your case, the answer would not fill that hole.

God knows what it looks like to have a loved one die – most notably his only begotten son, Jesus. He watched the cruelty of his crucifixion. He did not stop the killing because doing so would have thwarted his bigger plan. He has revealed that much to us. And he gave us a preview of what believers can look forward to – our own spiritual resurrection and eternity in God’s presence.

You see, while God doesn’t answer your every question about his every decision, he has given you many promises through scripture. He loves you – because he created you, and He IS the embodiment of Love (on screen 1 John 4:16). He wants you to live in his direct presence for eternity. He only asks you to believe in his son, Jesus (John 3:15-17). And, he tells you as long as you hold onto your faith in Jesus, he will never allow you to be separated from his love (Romans 8:38-39). 

Friend, you can rely on God even in a pit of grief and despair. He won’t just pull you out of the pit, but he will sit in the pit with you. He knows your broken heart. And he’ll be with you as long as it takes.