The neurobiological processes involved here are complex. So, I’m just going to share a very simplified explanation. The process, in essence, means that your brain is going to edit (not erase) all the memories involving you and your husband by recognizing the reality that you can no longer have two-way communication with him, that you don’t know exactly where he is, and that you don’t have the opportunity to be in his presence anymore.
It is vital to clarify that the remapping process is NOT about forgetting. The experiences you shared with your husband are NOT erased during remapping. Your memory will be left intact. Listen. You are NOT going to forget your husband AND your personal and emotional connection to your husband remains. By the way, there is no reason to stop talking to or writing to your husband.
In fact, talking to him as though he can hear you or writing to him as though you could send him a letter or email is perfectly fine and, in my personal and professional experience, very healthy. We encourage it with our widow retreat ladies. This sort of one-way communication may also help you identify and process the many feelings related to your loss. You might even imagine how your husband would respond to what you’ve said or written to him.
At the same time, it is crucial to acknowledge that your husband has died and is not able to return. Anne-Marie and I find it very important to acknowledge these realizations openly and verbally. We call this “leaning into” the emotional pain of the loss. Be aware that it may take a while before you can allow yourself to lean into your grief like this. There are no predictable timelines for the grieving process.
While your brain is going through this massive remapping process, you are most likely going to experience what we call “grief brain” or “widow brain”. Your grieving brain may be challenged to accomplish the simplest of tasks, and you may lose track of time, experience marked forgetfulness, and struggle staying in conversations.
These experiences are typical and don’t mean something is wrong with your brain.  People tell us they often feel like “they are losing their minds.”  But we assure you – you are not.  Your brain is busy doing other things right now.  So you aren’t operating at full capacity.  Grieving people think and process slower than they would normally.  Anne-Marie likes to tell people they aren’t playing with a full deck right now – and that’s true!
Try to be kind to yourself by keeping your expectations low. Think for a moment. Suppose you suffered an accident that caused multiple serious injuries.  You would be recovering and slow for quite a while, wouldn’t you? Try then to imagine just how complex it is for your brain to functionally heal following the devastating and disorienting loss of your husband. It’s not a traumatic physical injury, but it is a traumatic emotional injury.  Since we can’t see it, we think it shouldn’t trouble us – and many times, people around us believe that, too.  That’s not fair.  Be gracious to yourself, my friend.How can you help your brain:
1. Get plenty of sleep.  If you are struggling with sleep, we recommend visiting your primary care physician to see how he can assist you.
2. Drop responsibilities where you can.  You just can’t do everything you used to do right now.
3. If you do important work that can’t have mistakes, get someone to check your work.
4. As we said before, give yourself grace.  And laugh at yourself when you do the foolish things like drive away from the gas station with the pump nozzle still in your car or leave your keys in the fridge or the ice cream in the cupboard.

Remember, our favorite thing to do is help widows find hope and healing through our unique widow retreats.  If you are stuck or need help with your grief, please check out all the details on our website. https://www.griefandtraumahealing.com/widows-grief-retreat/