- Understanding Grief
- People Grieve Differently
- The Brain Fog of Grief
- The Vocabulary of Grief
- Grievers Don’t Need to be Fixed
- Misconceptions About Grief
- There Are No Orderly and Predictable Stages In Grief
- When Caring People Say Dumb Things When You’re Grieving
- What to Say to Others When You’re Grieving
- The Impact of Who you Lost and How you Lost Them
- Heavy Grief Days
- The Grief Letter
- Ways to Remember Them
- Permissions for Grievers
- Creating Bright Spots in the Midst of Grief
- Why Are Many Grievers Not Comfortable Crying In Front of Others?
- Why Grievers Don’t Need to Be Strong
- Do I Just Need Time to Heal From Grief?
- Why Do Grieving People Get the Message They Shouldn’t Be Sad?
- Is Staying Busy Good for Grief?
- The Isolation of Grief
- Can You Fill the Void Left by the Death of Loved One?
- How Long Does the Pain of Grief Last?
- How Do You Get Over Grief?
- I Don’t Want to Forget My Loved One Who Died
- Relationships Change After Loss
- Why Don’t Friends and Family Understand Your Grief?
- How to Tell Others What You Need in Your Grief
- Grief Can Cause You to Re-evaluate Relationships
- I Lost My Spouse and My Friends
- All the Phases in the Grief Journey
- I’m Grieving and Just Barely Surviving
- Why Do I Feel Like I Am Just Existing in My Grief?
- When Will I Be Ready for Grief Counseling?
- Can You Heal Your Grief?
- Living Again After Losing a Loved One
- How Grief Affects Mental Health
- Grief & Depression
- How Trauma Affects Your Grief
- Co-Dependency and Grief
- Should I take medication for my grief?
- The Uniqueness of Grieving A Suicide
- Suicide Shock: I Can’t Believe They Did It
- Feeling Blame and Shame After a Suicide
- The Abandonment of Suicide
- The Stigma of Suicide
- Interview with widow who lost two husbands by suicide
- Losing Your Husband to Suicide
- What To Do With Your Loved One’s Belongings After They Die
- No Cost Financial Coaching & Planning for Widows: Chris Bentley
- Hope When Shattered By Grief
- Answers to Your Questions About Grief
- Is Being Angry at God a Sin After My Loved One Died?
- Where Did My Peace, Joy and Gratitude Go after I lost my loved one?
- Can Grief and Hope Co-Exist?
- Why Does God Heal Some People But Not Others?
- Is Suicide an Unforgivable Sin?
- Why Do I Dislike Platitudes and Bible Verses?
- Why Did God Let My Loved One Die?
- Surviving The Holidays
Relationships After Loss
Foundations Of Grief
Misconceptions About Grief
Relationships After Loss
The Grief Journey
Grief & Mental Health
Grieving A Suicide
Conversations On Grief
Questions Grieving Christians Ask
Coping With The Holidays and Other Tough Special Days
Relationships After Loss
Episode 5 : I Lost My Spouse and My Friends
I Lost My Spouse and My Friends
We often hear from widows and widowers that after the death of their spouse, they are not invited to couples’ activities anymore and many of their “couples” friends disappear. That is not the case for everyone but if it happens to you, it is just another loss on top of losing your spouse.
We hear too often how people lose their social group of couple friends and they feel abandoned. I am not sure I have an answer on how to fix this, but I want to acknowledge that it happens.
Some of my couple friends didn’t include me anymore. And some did. But I had an unexpected experience with a neighbor who wouldn’t let her husband talk to me after my husband died – and we were really good friends. At first, I was hurt and shocked, but you know, after I looked at her from her view – I was a needy and hurting single woman and I was good friends with her husband. What if he was comforting me and it led to something else. I am not sure if she was that wrong. I had no interest in her husband nor he in me, but I have known two people where that is exactly what happened and it destroyed them all. So I wasn’t that upset when I put myself in her shoes. But that kind of thing still can add insult to injury and it just adds to the isolation and loneliness. We lose our identity because we don’t have our partner that we were one with, and now, we don’t have some key friendships.
So I just want to recognize that. And say I am so sorry if that is happening to you. I am not sure what the answer is. Having an honest conversation with your friends about how you are feeling and your needs and maybe educating them on grief, so they don’t feel as uncomfortable or awkward might help. And, some of your friends are just going to be gone, and that’s how it’s going to be.
That is why it is essential to develop another community of people you can be with you who you enjoy and understand you. I host a monthly widows tea and those women can’t wait to come every month to be with ladies who “get them”. How could we find something like that for you? Is their a local in-person support group or online one that could help you connect? Or would you like to start a widows or widowers book club or meet up group? I’m pretty sure others like you are looking for something like that out there. And when you have community, you do better.
We have lots of resources for you to look at on our resource page where you might find ways to connect.
So don’t give up my friend.
- When you lose your spouse, not only could you feel out of place at couple events, you may also feel unwelcome and are no longer included. Usually, they are uncomfortable and don’t know what to do.
- Finding a community of people who do “get you” can be really helpful and there are ways to find them.
- Have your relationships with other couples been negatively impacted since the loss of your spouse?
- Is there anything you can do about it? Can you share what your needs are and what you want to try to make them more comfortable? Should you reach out to them? Or should you just let these relationships go for now?
- Where might you find a community that “gets you”?
When we lose our spouse, we lose so much more. There are many other losses that may result from their death, including long time friendships. Acknowledging them is important. And it doesn’t mean you have done anything wrong.