My Grief Care

Questions Grieving Christians Ask

8 Episodes

Episode 3 : Where Did My Peace, Joy and Gratitude Go after I lost my loved one?


Episode Notes

Where Did My Peace, Joy and Gratitude Go?

When you became a Christian, you were likely taught that you were reborn and gifted with the Holy Spirit, the part of God now residing within you. The Bible teaches that the Holy Spirit can produce a life of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control – which is usually pretty different than before you put your faith in Jesus. Your change depends on you allowing your heart and worldview to be transformed. And you may have experienced some or all of the above.

Yet, now, in the aftermath of a devastating loss, you may have questions. You are, of course, experiencing a lot of feelings. But joy, peace and gratitude may not be the first feelings that come to mind. Instead, feelings of abandonment, hopelessness, fear, anxiety, bewilderment and anger may be trending in your top 10. If the latter is true, you may doubt the authenticity of your faith. You may berate yourself and think you aren’t a very good Christian. You may grit your teeth when you hear Christian platitudes and out-of-context bible verses floated your way.If any of the foregoing hits home, does that mean you are a hypocrite or a fair-weather Christian? No, you are in a season of suffering, and you have not yet healed enough, had sufficient time to sort out your conflicting thoughts, or processed your pain. And it may be a while before you can rest in God’s loving embrace once again. Please note the foregoing is not true of every Christian following a loss – so be mindful not to compare yourself to others.

Does any of what I’m saying sound as though it fits you? If so, I have a few points to share that you may find helpful. First, the Christian growth and development process is typically accelerated during times of mourning, tribulation, and defeat. In contrast, we usually grow MUCH LESS during times of happiness, victory and smooth sailing. Growth in this life is typically a painful process. Why? Because while we may LEARN in times of prosperity, we GROW in times of adversity, when we must RELY on what we learned but have not yet mastered through practice. A Christian’s first experience of a deeply felt loss (no matter how long since they put their faith in Jesus) will test them to the core, and it can be very tough.

What can you do?

 Leaning into your pain of loss, allowing yourself more time to rest, intentionally journaling your thoughts prayerfully, hanging with people who can listen without judging or fixing, and simply asking God to show you through the wilderness, are all ways to process your grief. 

Also, spending time with other grieving people can be helpful. A good option is GriefShare, a Christian-based grief support group typically sponsored and held at churches. You can easily find their website online.

You can download and print the Episode Notes, including key points, supporting scriptural references and a question to process. May God bless and keep you during your season of grief. His love remains unconditional and his faithfulness does not waver. 

Scriptural References:

  • Isaiah 14:10
  • Proverbs 3:5
  • Romans 15:13
  • Psalms 9:9
  • Psalms 34:18
  • Romans 5:3-4
  • Philippians 1:6
  • Matthew 11:28